Life had crumbled as I had known it.

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The year was 2002. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, lost my job, relationship, and apartment, and my cat ran away. Not long before all this, I was searching for truth.

I wanted God.
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I wanted to know God again like I did as a child, so I began writing letters to God, calling out. In my apartment, I would write on the kitchen floor, pouring out my heart. I would tell God everything that was on my mind and in my heart and then cry.
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I recall my initial thoughts when I first woke up in the morning.
"I am still here. Why am I still here? What is this place?"

As I looked around the room and out my bedroom window, it did not feel like home, and that I wasn't from here.
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A friend, Terry, who has since passed away, offered to let me move in with him. So I went and lived with Terry. Terry was 40 years older than me and had been passionately studying the Course since the late seventies. He gave me my first copy of A Course in Miracles.
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For over 12 months, we spent our days and nights drinking coffee, praying, meditating, and talking about God and A Course in Miracles. Through conversations with Terry, I unraveled and understood the mystical experiences I had throughout my childhood.
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In the evenings, I lay in bed and read through the Teachers Manual's section on the Development of Trust before sleeping.
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One afternoon, we sat together in the front room as we had done daily. Around this time, I began to receive visions and see things about people I couldn't possibly know, along with seeing and communicating with people's loved ones who had passed over. These visions, although they seemed to be helpful to others, when I shared them, actually scared me as I was afraid I was developing a mental illness.
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We were drinking coffee and chatting about the Course on this particular day. Terry's home had glass louvers; you could see all the way out to the driveway and down the street. As I looked down the street, I saw a body in Spirit float up the driveway. It was a woman with a dark blue book under her arm. She floated on in and stood in front of us, where we were sitting.

I was shocked and fearful at the spontaneous visitation and said.

"Terry, there is a lady here in Spirit. She has a copy of A Course in Miracles. She is standing right here in front of us!"
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Terry replied.

"What does she look like?"
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I then described her to Terry.
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He responded.

"Wait here."
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He then jumped up, went into his office, and appeared with a book with a photo of a lady pointing at it. He asked.

"Is this the lady in Spirit who is here right now?"
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In shock, I replied.

"Yes! That's her."
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The image was exactly how I had described her.
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Terry, in total excitement, exclaimed.

"That's Helen Shucman the scribe of A Course in Miracles!"
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He then encouraged me to talk to her and ask what message she had for us.

So I turned inward to quieten my mind so I could hear.

There were no words; it came through telepathically. Helen first conveyed that A Course in Miracles was Terry's path.

Then, she came up very close to me and handed me the Course Book, showing me that the Course was to be my path also and that it was for me.

I was taken aback and became very emotional. Helen's message brought up great unworthiness and guilt that erupted within me.

All this pain and shame was exposed and stained through every fiber of my being. It was a feeling of being a rotting banana, and even Helen could see.
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I said.

"No, it can't be for me it's for Terry. I am not worthy enough of this!"
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Following the next 15 years, I skittishly danced around the Course, putting my toe in the water, trembling in fear, and then taking it back out.
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A fire still burned within me that knew. Eventually, I would dedicate my life to the Teachings of A Course in Miracles. However, I felt the Holy Spirit was working in my mind over these years, which may be why I had a direct experience of the Miracle, which undid a portion of childhood trauma before commencing the workbook lessons.
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Terry wrote a beautiful message inside the Course Book he gave me. I have included the image below. He wrote Dear Chrissy, as Christine is my birth name.

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"Dear Chrissy,

There is no peace except the peace of God.

The Peace of God is our inheritance.

On your journey back to God think neither of the end nor the result.

Expect nothing.

Accept everything.

We can but forgive ourselves.

By forgiving ourselves we forgive all others.

For when we have nothing left to forgive, we release those whom we thought had hurt us.

Forgiveness brings the Peace of God to us.

Love Terry."
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"Let me this day arise in quietness

With only thoughts of sinlessness, through which

To look upon the world. Let me today

Behold the world as You would have it be,

Because I am as You created me."

-Helen Shucman
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"God is but Love,

And, therefore,

So am I.

My brothers are

Because

God is.

God is but Love.

And, therefore,

So are they.

We are

Ego-less,

Guiltless,

Sin-less,

And

Deathless.

We are

The Holy Sons

Of God.

Seemingly separate,

And alone,

We are One,

We are Love.

Love,

Seemingly separate,

From It's Source.

Will always

Seek, and never fail,

To find It's

Source"

-Terry

Thank you Terry and Helen.

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